you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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