Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
