I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
