We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
even my farts smell like vagina
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
All the doctor said was why
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
