The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
