your room smells of hookers.
And success
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
