I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
