my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
