I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
