He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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