im having a threesome with these popsicles
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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