Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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