I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I don't think brook has ever known best
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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