i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
