you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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