I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
