The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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