i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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