We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
