I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
