He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
