Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
