I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
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It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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