I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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