i think my tv is drunk
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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