Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
