she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
