...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
