When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
