I wanna bring you to show and tell
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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