if you like me you must not know who I am
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
