I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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