and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
