are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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