It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
