I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE