Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice