Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16