I just saw a hot homeless man
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.