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I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
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