There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Randomize
