how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
