ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
