do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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