I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
tell me about the fingering
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