I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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