You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
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I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement