...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
COCAINE IS GR8
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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