my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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