video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
