I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
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I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
