I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality