I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
