It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
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