Dude my mom stole all your condoms
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize