So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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