I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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