What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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