dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
