We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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