so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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