If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
