I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
