have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing