Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
