Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward