i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
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Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
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I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night