we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
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CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
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are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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