Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize