I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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