I'm lost and stupid without you.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
