I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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