I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
