im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
