worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
