your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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