Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
