no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
