I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
