I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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