I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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