i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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