He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
