Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
