You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
